Well Hello Again!

Well Hello Again!! 

Assalamualaikum! 

First and foremost, I have deleted 4 of my previous post on Mr Alamak which I find not relevant anymore so , click & delete , bye-bye . Though the post was back in 2020.

Well, here I am again to give a little update about my life
~ Turning 29 on this 9th July
~ Mother of 3, Firhad , Finaz & Syifa
~ Still married
~ Still a housewife with a home based online business

what else ??..

~ Staying at a rental housing @ Marine Terrace

Maybe thats it ? 
Ok, so basically its been 3 years from the last post and Im back here to update the current situation my family is facing.
Just something I want to share for my own keepsake too

Will post it on the next post, check it out ok ! 💕

Not even a fucking sorry now ?

So are you sick & tired to say it anymore? 

Cos you know theres no point of saying it as you will be doing it again?

FUCK !! IT FUCKING HURTS!!!

Zillions of times I told you by acting like everything OK is NOT OK. 

I need you to personally acknowledge it to me sincerely . 

I dont know why it is so fucking hard for you.

Ego? Damn! That high! 

You said shits to me, trying to text other girl behind my fucking back! Giving me fuxking stupid reasons . Saying that you regret to be married in the first place.... 

And now not even a sorry? 

I just couldnt stand you anymore. I will not treat you as how much i love you before. Things will NEVER be how it used to be even how much yu want to act like everything is ok.. 

" dear, stop la playing pubg " 

" Daritadi kau asik main game "

" Ape kau, jgn sebok ar, da tido gi tido, pe hal nak sebok "

" Jgn nak menyusahkan hidup aku "

" Sukehati aku la sey aku nak main game " 

" Kau nak kongkong aku pehal "

" NO! "

~~~~~~~

It hurts me too deep when I as a wife asked him to stop but got shouted at instead while his mic is ON with all his cousins..

It hurts me too deep when he shouted no when I as a wife ask him to stop.

It hurts me too deep when he pushed me while I as a wife tried to make him stop.

It hurts me too deep when he ignore me as a wife.

Yes, it was a small issue as I just asked him to stop but things escalate real quick when he cant control his anger.. 

He rejected me, he pushed me, he shouted at me, he let me cry myself to sleep.. 

And from that moment I just want to ignore him and let him live with his game .. 

I just want to ignore him and let him choose game over me like what he did and said that night. 

So am I wrong for ignoring you and still have anger towards you? 

Am I being unreasonable?

I dont think so..

You said tons of hurtful remarks to me on that night.

So be it.. Now you are mad to me that Im being this way to you. So be it .. 

Im your Wife.

Not your Friend

Not your Girlfriend

Not your Cousin

Not your Team Squad.

Its not that I want to post all the bad things about my husband its just that it hurts to be lied to.

Trust me there are wonderful times.. but damn! Fucking dont lied to me while i know the damn truth...

You totally broke my trust.

Well..

My guess is that you don't even care..

It hurts to know that you are not the same man that I once fall in love with.

There I am crying my hearts out in front of you and even tempted to hurt myself,

But all you do is ignore me.

Where is that man who once couldnt bare to see tears rolling down my cheecks?

Where is that man who always couldnt bare to see me get hurt?

Where is that man who always will try to make thing right?

You gave up on me,

You stayed only because of your kids.

Your heart doesnt belongs to me anymore..

Whyyyy...

What mistake that I had done that make you change to this?

Why must you always put the blame on me and say me such and such while I have been holding your status high up while you always always alwayssss bring me down and share it to your family.

I do not want to hate your family,

They are nice to me just like my family is to you. But whyyyy, why must you always put arguement of my family.

Why do you hate us so much?

Why must you always let your family know OUR FAMILY problem to them while Im here hiding everything to my family..

Just WHY?!

Why are you placing me so low in your heart now?

I just couldnt take it anymore.

As much as i want to leave but I know that is the wrong move to make. 

Love of my live

Clock is ticking

Day by day passes

Times running

And now look at you kiddo,

how fast you've grown

I survive without knowing

Thought I would gone insane

but gladly and proud to say I am a mother now

Seeing how you love your dad really makes ease in my heart

I appreciate every single seconds that Allah given me

Spending time with you two are one heck of a fun

Full of surprises

Wouldn't want to change for any

(though your dad really can gets on my nerve, but i still love him)

Soon you will be turning 5 Months

and I still wonder if I am ready to ask Allah for another child

But Allah knows best right? 

So I should just put my trust on him and depends on him

Whatever Allah give or take 

I shall Tawakal.

Fire & Ice

In marriage , there is always a person that have to be the Ice

We both cannot be the fire as it will flame up and make situation more worse.

Day by day , the journey of my marriage is  not easy

People say the first few years of the marriage is the hardest of all ..

I agree.

Nearly 6 months of my marriage, 

There is the good times and the bad times and the miserable times.

Really.. Miserable , but at the end of the day,

You are married to the person love of your life.

I couldn't go far being n getting upset or angry towards him for long.

The feeling of wanting to be close and clingy and the hugs also at the urge .

And now , when I am carrying your child, Our child, in my tummy

I couldn't be more happy and thankful

And my love towards you always will be in my heart

Just don't keep hurting my heart aite.

I love You

I love Us

I love Our Child

Through Think & Thin

We Will Get Through This Life Together .

Puasa belum lagi but aku & suami da pilih colour baju Raya for this year.

Korang semua da pilih?

At first suami aku nak colour Grey, 

but ended up pakcik dia punye family pun will pakai Grey.

So we decide to not be in the same colour as this year aku 1st day raya with his side.

and we chose colour................

For me, aku nye baju da ada , since last year aku main beli pasal lawa

Taktau pulak ended up that suami choose Emerald Green.

In shaa Allah , kalau panjang umur , next year raya baru la pakai Grey, 

By that time In shaa Allah with baby sekali 

Amin.

Hey Blog,

Always been On & Off with updating the blog.

So... Where shall I start?

Hmmm...

Since today is the 16th May 2017, let me give you a little update of myself .

I am ...

- 24 years old this year

- someone's wife

- 4 months pregnant

- currently with NO work 

- having my usual ups & downs in life as always..

But am for sure that I am more MATURE & WISE with my thoughts of life.

Recently, I am diagnosed with Thalassemia. It is a blood disorder.

Obviously, the news SHATTERED my heart 

and it scared me to death worrying if it would affect my child.

As time goes by, i began to let it go and just be positive.. 

Knowing whatever happens, Allah knows best.

Still waiting for the final result but no news for now.

Life after marriage is sure a struggle, 

I agree with what others said that it is a WHOLE NEW WORLD

It is hard to pleased everyone, 

You are no longer single where knowing how to take care of yourself

but now its more like everyone around you.

I am Grateful for all the barriers YOU gave me Allah,

I know You know best.

Therefore help me to guide myself.

I am your weakest servant.

I disobey you numerous of times.

But I know you are always here for me no matter what.

Well... Sorry for whining so much.

P.S. sorry if the picture above of my curtain seems like a pocong or a horse. Lol.

;and today I become someone's wife

Woahhh.. Last I updated was on 17 Aug 2016 and now is 23 Jan 2017.

Just how fast things changes between these 2 dates.

Moving on from Mr. Fantasy, 

Loving my past moments with my dear colleagues, 

and now embracing my moments to soon be someone wife.

Tons of shit & diamonds happened 

but

Im glad to where i am today. (i hope)

In Shaa Allah.

Again today, when i'm not thinking about you, 

suddenly someone open up a topic about you to me

" Fauzul amacam ? " " da tak message message lagi? " 

Then 1 answer came to my mind, you getting more alim and 

realise im someone fiancee and dont wanna bother and 

dont want to make my fiancee jealous.

Well if thats the reason , im gg to accept it . 

Though really I waited n waited every single day for some notification from you.

But now thats over, I shall move on.

Even you dont know this but yah .. 

:) 

Marriage is not some Fairytale. It is Love, Selflessness, 

Patience, Tolerance and enduring the hard times together.

#quote

#dawah_deen

"I dont wanna think about you, 
but my mind just seems to not listen to me"

"As much as I try, it just not working. 

Slowly I hope it will fade."

Hey there Mr. Fantasy.

Didnt know that you kinda stalk me and read my journal in my 2nd acct .

You read all my poems that I posted there and thanks you to you remind me of the beautiful memories I had 

even the sad ones too but I could say that I moved on from those.

And yes, the poem I wrote years ago when I was in Sec Sch days about my late grandma 

is still and will always be my fav

Thanks for the compliment about it, 

you felt when you read it and wanna read more. 

I appreciate that.

You make me wanna write more poems ,

Maybe not now, for the time being quotes only.

Again, thank you! 

I realise now, that dream that I dreamt about you, it is goodbye.

I was waiting for you to atleast wish me for raya & my birthday that you put a note on your calendar

but nothing apprear

So now I know , and yes . It is goodbye, Fauzul

Thank you again, you been a good friend of mine everytime , good memories.

Wish you all the best and yes, I will invite you & others to my wedding, In shaa Allah.

Why oh whyyyyy.. Why must I had that dream?? 

It felt so real.. 

So I guess it is goodbye between us.

You been a great friend while I'm working here. 

You always know how to make me smile and if you see something not right , 

you would acknowledge 

For about 7-8 months working with you, 

you had always brighten my day at work 

I thank you for that. If this is goodbye ?

all i can say is that, You been a colourful journey for me to pass by. 

But now, to think of it, having that dream while you are there makes me just wonder if you are doing well there. 

No matter what happen, you are in Allah Home May your wishes come true and you continue to be a good servant towards Allah 

Thank You Fauzul.

Assalamualaikum Bulan Ramadhan Al Mubarak

Alhamdulillah , its been the 5th day of Ramadhan Al Mubarak.

All I am aiming for a change in this Ramadhan 

is that for me to be a better Muslimah towards Allah 

and people around me especially towards my mum & dad.

Though I know i had failed in the tarawih, as I did not attend all the way.

In shaa allah, in the following days I would do better.

Guide me Ya Allah, 

Theres so much challenges in this life.

but I know , You wont give us challenges thats beyond our capacity

You love us and thats why you tested us.

Astagfirullah, and yet I neglect your calls.

 Forgive us, Ya Allah

as you are the merciful and forgiving.

The day I fall off back to reality

Say goodbye to fantasy , cause thats never gonna happen

Thank you making me realise so much that I did not

Im no longer the star that you would wanna reach for

You know the truth already

U know everything already, 

well all not but those important ones you know

I dissapoint you so much

and im sorry for that

You thought that Im pure, the shining star

while the truth im just an old rusty star 

that no longer can shine as bright as others

I shall move on from my fantasy and move back to reality
I learnt so much without realizing

Jodoh di tangan Allah
Kita hanya merancang
Tapi Allah yang menentukan
Allah knows best

I am shame of my mistakes
and yes I wanna move forward n not look back

Thanks for being there for me Mr fantasy
May Allah ease your affairs too 
Be happy